The new financial year is upon us and the only person feeling any richer is your accountant. As belts are tightened across the land, HugoFox is using his cunning to sniff out a series of helpful tips so that you can weather the financial storm. Look after the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves. Buying a lottery ticket can’t hurt either.
1. Instead of turning your heating on/up, go out and stand in the cold for five minutes and then come back in again. You house will feel roasty-toasty. Repeat as necessary.
2. Save water by showering with a bucket beneath you. Use what’s collected to water the garden. Alternatively, shower with a friend/partner/milkman.
3. If you must have a bath, then at least do a load of laundry at the same time. For smaller, delicate items, wash with bath crème. For heavier-soiled items, bring in the hard soap.
4. With the cost of stamps having just gone up, check all mail for postage that can be reused (untouched by the postmark). Cut out the stamp and glue onto another envelope. Reusing Christmas cards as Easter cards is easy since they involve a lot of the same people. Snow scenes will work especially well this year due to the recent inclement weather.
5. Ladies: don’t waste time and energy blow-drying your hair every morning. Just drive to work with your head stuck out of the car window.
6. Careless tea-bag use costs wives. Erect a small ‘washing’ line across the kitchen. After each tea-bag is used, ring it out and then peg it on the line. Allow to dry and re-use at will.
7. Choose your friends carefully. Selecting a broad age range of people who are the same shoe/dress size will mean you have a steady supply of clothes for the years to come. If you’re a size four and your friend has clown feet…it’s time to ditch her.
8. Replace your television set with a fish tank. Sure, the programming gets a bit monotonous but it’s still more entertaining than Big Brother.
9. Gain sponsorship. Why walk around with a national shop’s brand name emblazoned across your chest when you could proudly advertise ‘Bob’s Bakery’ on your shirt instead? It could also help increase your bread and butter earnings.
10. Say goodbye to expensive mobile phone tariffs by purchasing a couple of pairs of walkie-talkies. For children, invest in two yoghurts and some string for maximum bill reductions. Remember to eat the yoghurt before holding to your ear.
And for all you savvy types out there, don’t forget to check out HugoFox.com for any free local events, business offers or our jobs section, if it’s spot of part-time work you’re looking for to boost your income. If you have any great tips for the team at HugoFox News, send them in to firstname.lastname@example.org – we’d love to hear them.
* NB: all suggestions to be taken with a pinch of salt. Please don’t actually reuse your stamps, for fear of ending up in the clink.